I Don’t Expect to be Trusted (323)

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In this episode, I talk about a Trust – specifically how I don’t expect to be trusted even though I tend to trust implicitly. In a conversation I had with Stephen M.R. Covey on the 300th episode of “How’d It Happen?” we were discussing his new book, “Trust and Inspire – How Truly Great Leaders Unleash Greatness in Others,” and the exercise of taking stock of what you see in the mirror.

In this episode, I share with you what I saw in the mirror. You won’t want to miss this episode. Enjoy!

Full transcript below.

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Mike Malatesta

Mike Malatesta  00:05

Hey, it’s Mike, and this is the “How’d It Happen?” Podcast solo series. So hi, thanks for joining me. Every Friday, I do a solo episode about something that I’ve experienced or something that has interested me that I think will interest you, as well. So today, and by the way, that beginning was sort of my attempt at doing Seth Godin’s intro to his Akimbo Podcast. If you’ve never listened to Seth Godin’s  Akimbo Podcast, you might want to check that out. I don’t think I did a marvelous job with it, but I did it on the last. 

So today’s episode, I’m calling “Why I Don’t Expect to be Trusted.” Why I don’t expect to be trusted. That seems like a weird title, but it’ll make sense, I think, as I go through this. So on episode number 300 of my podcast, I had on the show Stephen M.R. Covey. And Stephen, you know, has a very famous name. He has a very famous father, Stephen Covey, who wrote a very famous book called “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” or seven habits of something like that, seven habits of great people, Highly Effective People, I think, anyway, it doesn’t matter because I was talking to his son, who is a tremendous inspirational leader himself. But what I found very interesting about him is that he’s actually the one who took the company that his father started, and the momentum that his father started with and actually grew it into a really big business. And I’m always interested in those stories. So we had a chance to talk about that on the podcast. Again, that’s episode number 300. 

But I want to talk to you today about this book that he wrote, and what we spent a lot of time talking about that has to do with trust. So Stephen has written a number of books that are trust-themed. His latest book is called “Trust and Inspire – How Truly Great Leaders Unleash Greatness in Others.” And if you listen to the beginning of my podcast, every time it comes on me, one of my missions is to activate, inspire and maximize the greatness in everyone that I come in contact with, and everyone who listens to the podcast. So this topic interested me a lot, but it’s really good episode, you should check that out. Again, that’s number 300. But my biggest takeaway from the discussion with Steven was that if I had to sum up this sort of thing, it’s like trust starts with you. It’s a “look in the mirror and make sure you like what you see” kind of thing. So after going through the podcast, I decided to look in the mirror. And here’s what I saw. 

I think, I believe that I trust people nearly implicitly. And I feel like I owe that to everyone I meet. Like trust is what makes this thing we call life actually work. So I trust your word, I trust your money, I trust your intentions. And I trust that you will do what you say. And, you know, without trust, I think, Oh, my life would really suck because it’d be kind of a wreck, I’d be anxious all the time, I’d be doubtful, I’d be miserable. And I’d be like a gigantic jerk if I didn’t trust people. At least, that’s how I feel. And you know, despite my inclination to offer implicit trust to other people. I don’t expect people to trust me when we first meet, and I feel like it’s asking a lot of someone. And I don’t want to presume that I deserve their trust, even if I think they do. That’s something that developed in me over time, because when you’re in a position like I was, well, you know, I’m the leader of several companies, you know, meeting new customers and companies that we want to do business with, and we’re meeting with competitors and others that we want to acquire or establish partnerships with — it’s kind of hard to just go into those thinking, Oh, wow, yeah, they’ll just trust me, but they didn’t just trust me. 

And I learned a lesson from that, like, trust is something that even if I give it implicitly, I can’t expect others to give it to me implicitly as well. So I just I decided that I’d rather earn and establish a pattern of trust with people by making what I call regular deposits into the trust account that they allow me to open with them and hold with them — deposits of consistency, reliability, dependability, and accountability. So I feel like, you know, trust is a gift that must be given to you and appreciated. That’s how I like to look at it. Again, even though I give trust or I feel like I give trust implicitly [you can call me on that, because maybe I don’t], and what I’ve discovered is when I do this, and I don’t always do it well, or as I intended, or as I’d hoped I would, I don’t have to ask for or expect trust. Instead, trust just happens. Do I sometimes wish the trust was just a given for me, like the way I like to give trust to others? Sure, of course I do. That’d be great. But it would also be too easy for me, to blow it, you know, to miss the signs, to have my ego replace my actions, to expect something that I haven’t earned. And as Steven might say, Trust is the most crucial and necessary connection you can make with another person. And it’s also the most complicated. And during the podcast, he talked about a very complicated trust situation that he had to go through when he merged his company with another. And it was fascinating, and he was vulnerable. And we had a good discussion, we kind of dug into it a little bit, and I learned something out of that, and you might as well. So trust is not something that you can ask for. It’s not a core value or an expectation. Trust is a gift that must be given to you and appreciated. 

So how does trust look at you in the mirror? Have you ever asked yourself that? How does trust look at you in the mirror? 

I appreciate you making time for me today to talk about trust and letting me explore some of my thoughts with you. I hope you found value in today’s episode and if you did, pass it along, leave a review. And if you’re not a subscriber to the podcast, please subscribe to it as well. And until we meet next time. Maximize Your Greatness.

Mike Malatesta

Mike Malatesta

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