Mike still remembers the sheer panic that washed over him on that national stage, the flubbed words, and the promise he made to himself to never endure such embarrassment again. This week’s solo episode is a raw and honest account of how Mike confronted his fear of public speaking and turned what was once a source of dread into one of his greatest passions. With a blend of vulnerability and triumph, Mike details his transformative journey from avoiding the microphone like the plague to delivering keynotes like “Releasing the Icon in You” with confidence. Tune in to hear about the tools and communities that were instrumental in reshaping his approach to public speaking and can do the same for you.
Check out the video version of this episode below:
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Episode transcript below:
00:00 – Mike Malatesta (Host)
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01:07
Hi everyone, it’s Mike and welcome back to this free Thinking Friday episode of the How’d it Happen podcast. On Fridays, as you know, I like to spend about 10 minutes or so talking with you about something that I’m working on, something I’ve read about, something that someone has shared with me that interested me and hopefully something that will interest you as well, and today I want to talk to you about speaking, specifically public speaking. So you’ve no doubt heard that many people dread and fear public speaking. Some say they fear it more than dying, which I’m hoping can’t possibly be true, but nevertheless I’ve thought about this a lot because for most of my life I was one of those many people who dreaded public speaking. I mean, not sure if I dreaded it more than dying, but I dreaded it pretty bad. And the reason, as far as I can tell, is that I never trained or practiced to be a speaker early in my life. And then, when I was 23 years old or so, I was working for a really big company and I was asked to talk to a big group of people at a national conference, which should have been a great honor because it was a great opportunity. But instead of propelling me and my speaking career forward, it instead buried both, at least in my mind. It buried both.
02:28
By the time I went up on the stage, I was sweating so much I mean really sweating so much and my mouth was so dry and my confidence was so low that I felt like I couldn’t do it and I flat out bombed I mean really bombed. At least that’s how I choose to remember it and have chosen to remember it for a really long time, and that’s what kept me away from public speaking for about the next 20 years, which is when you think about it. It’s ridiculous, but sometimes your mind can be ridiculous and you believe it. And that’s what I did, and it turns out, in retrospect, it turns out that that was such a terrible mistake. I never made a habit out of running for much, but, as you can see from this conversation, I ran from speaking and for all the wrong reasons. You see, I felt like I embarrassed myself and I couldn’t deal with that. I didn’t want to deal with that. It took me a long time, too long, to consider whether I had in fact bombed and, more importantly, even if I had, whether it mattered or not and here’s a clue it didn’t matter. I think that the mistake I made was connecting me being embarrassed to two things First, me being incompetent and, second, me somehow having a lifetime negative effect on everyone who was in the audience that day, and neither is or ever was true. In fact, while I was thinking about my poor performance for 20 years, I am quite sure that everyone else had forgotten about it in less than 20 minutes, some in less than two minutes and some in less than 20 seconds, if they even thought that I sucked and I’m guessing that many didn’t think that either. So, after that 20-year hiatus, I finally acknowledged the problem. It’s like if I wasn’t, it wasn’t that I wasn’t good or that I had nothing worse saying. The problem was that I hadn’t taken it seriously, I hadn’t educated myself and I hadn’t practiced. And so I did. I went to a training course, I went to the Thai Boyd speaking course, which I think is still around. It was fantastic. And then I joined Toastmasters and I started writing and giving talks.
05:09
And now I’m not just comfortable talking to groups and being on stages, I actually kind of like it. I still get nervous, sure, just like I would before any game that I was playing in or any date that I was going on or anything big in my life. And that’s OK, because that’s normal, it’s expected. I mean, if you don’t feel that way when you’re doing something important and a little bit challenging, and I’m not sure that you have high enough expectations for yourself, or at least that’s how I like to think about it. But what I know now and didn’t know then, is that I am in the game.
05:55
I may not blow everyone in the audience away with my talk, but that doesn’t matter. I know that my message will connect with some, with a few, with one even, and I know that I will do the work that will make it impossible for me to suck. And I know that whatever happens whatever happens tomorrow, will come and will all be OK. So I call my latest keynote talk Releasing the Icon in you. I’m really proud of this. It’s super cool, and you should hear it or have me into your organization to give it, because it’s a message that I think everyone can get some value out of.
06:41
So my question for you is, as I leave today what are you talking about next? What are you talking about next? I hope you’re talking about something next, and I know that, whatever you’re talking about, if you’re prepared, if you love what you’re talking about, you will get in front of people and you will have a huge impact on them, sharing your message, inspiring them or whatever you’re trying to do with them, getting them to buy what you are selling, whatever and I’m excited to hear about it. So let me know what you’re talking about next, and thank you so much for joining me today for this free Thinking Friday episode. Hope you got some value out of it. That is my goal, of course, and if you like it you’re not yet subscribing or following the podcast Please hit the follow button or the subscribe button. Share it with your friends, leave me a review, reach out, tommy, talk to me, tell me what you think. I do this for you and I to connect on a deeper level and share some really cool stuff. So feel free to connect with me and until next time, hey everybody.
07:51
Thanks for listening to this show and before you go, I just have three requests for you. One if you like what I’m doing, please consider subscribing or following the podcast on whatever podcast platform you prefer, if you’re really into it. Leave me a review, write something nice about me, give me five stars or whatever you feel is most appropriate. Number two I’ve got a book. It’s called owner shift how getting selfish got me unstuck. It’s an Amazon bestseller and I’d love for you to read it or listen to it on Audible or wherever else Barnes and Noble, amazon you can get it everywhere If you’re looking for inspiration that will help you unlock your greatness and potential order or download it today so that you can have your very own copy and, if you get it, please let me know what you think.
08:35
Number three my newsletter. I do a newsletter every Thursday and I talk about things that are interesting to me and or I give more information about the podcast and the podcast guests that I’ve had and the experiences that I’ve had with them. You can sign up for the podcast today at my website, which is my name, mikemalatesta.com. You do that right now. Put in your email address and you’ll get the very next issue. The newsletter is short, thoughtful and designed to inspire, activate and maximize the greatness in you.
